#215 The Hidden Roots of Female Rivalry: And How We Break Free
In Part 1, I shared my own experience… the beauty I’ve seen in women supporting women, and also the sting of the moments when that trust breaks.
Here’s the thing: the patterns that make women mistrust each other didn’t come out of nowhere. They are inherited. Learned. Conditioned.
We’ve been living in systems for generations that thrive on competition… systems that tell us there’s only so much room, so much beauty, so much power, so much worthiness to go around. From early on, many of us are measured against impossible standards and told (directly or indirectly) that another woman’s light somehow dims our own.
We get praised for “being the good girl” or “standing out,” which often means standing apart. We’re fed a steady diet of comparison disguised as self-improvement. We see how a confident woman can be labeled “too much” or “full of herself,” and we learn the rules to avoid that label.
And beneath it all, there’s the quiet fear:
What if I’m not enough? What if she’s better? What if I’m replaceable?
When those fears go unspoken and unhealed, they leak out as judgment, criticism, or withdrawal. We protect ourselves by putting up walls instead of bridges.
But here’s the truth I’ve witnessed in my Souling work: underneath the mistrust, there is still a longing. A longing to be truly seen by other women. To be celebrated without condition. To belong in a space where we don’t have to prove our worth.
And for that longing to come alive, we each have to do our part. This is where the self-souling work matters, the willingness to meet our shadows, to notice the places where comparison, envy, or self-doubt still whisper, and to hold them with compassion instead of shame. Not because we are broken, because unhealed pain often spills outward. Hurt people hurt people and healed/healing people, they create ripples of healing for others.
When we dare to face those inner patterns with honesty and tenderness, we loosen their hold. We begin to show up with more presence, more trust, more generosity. And from there, the circle becomes more than just a gathering, it becomes sacred ground for remembering.
The circle is a reclamation, a remembering that we were never meant to be in quiet competition. In that space, we strip away roles and masks. We listen without fixing. We speak without fear of being diminished. And slowly, the old patterns lose their grip.
This healing is not about ignoring the hurt or pretending mistrust doesn’t exist. It’s about understanding why it happens, tending to it within ourselves, and choosing something different, together.
Let’s be real, healing mistrust isn’t only about gathering in circle. Sometimes, the real soul work happens in the quiet courage of one-on-one honesty. It looks like sitting down with a sister and saying what needs to be said without defensiveness, without the loaded gun of excuses, without the subtle gaslighting we’ve learned from the very systems we’re trying to break free from.
It looks like choosing repair over retreat. Listening even when it stings. Staying present instead of armoring up. These are not easy conversations, they require maturity, humility, and heart. They are also the very moments where the old patterns start to unravel and something new has a chance to grow.
Breaking free is both an inner journey and a collective one. In Part 3, we’ll talk about how the healing begins within and how the circles we choose to keep can either keep the old story alive or help us write a new one. We’ll explore how we move from awareness into action, how we can shift these inherited patterns, rebuild trust, and create a sisterhood culture that is rooted in honesty, compassion, and shared rising. We can do better and be better, because the truth is, when one woman rises, she doesn’t take from anyone else, she shows us all what’s possible.
Thank you for continuing to walk with me, Sis!
